Losing Color
by ohEvangeline
Summary: Tonks loved him with all her heart, but her one true love kept running away.Now, kneeling beside him, she reflects on what she went through to make him see the light. Fourth in Proposal Series.


Everything was all wrong; nothing was going like it should. I wasn't getting my fairy tale because my prince kept running from me. I loved him; so much I sometimes thought I was going to spontaneously combust if he didn't do something. I know he loved me too, he had too!

You may ask why he had to. Well, it's really that I really do know that he did. Merlin, the man kissed me. No paltry peck, but deep and passionate. But then things got confusing. Everything was going so well, he loved me; then he walked away. He avoided me when we had to be near one another, he denied everything saying he didn't love me and that it was all a mistake. He got angry at anyone who tried to talk to him and he ignored me. That hurt more than anything else ever could.

I've heard that people in love become clumsy and unaware of everything around them. They become lost in a world all their own and are totally different people. I'm definitely a different person. Before, I was always clumsy and in the way, but now I actually don't trip over everything within three feet of me. Molly even let me set the table without fear of my destroying everything. I'd become serious and quiet, not consciously, and I drifted off sometimes. Mad Eye used to always be mad at me because I was getting distracted during important meetings or something, but now it's different. My mind drifted away into a misty, somber, sad place. Love is supposed to be the most uplifting and joyous feeling ever experienced, but it just wasn't working out that way for me.

Mum said give it time, Dad thought I should move on. I went to Molly more than anyone. She's good for a cup of tea and a spoonful of advice. Once or twice she even tried talking to him, just to try and make him see that his take on everything was all wrong. But he had so many excuses. He's too old for me, not good enough. It's not a good time and we need to focus on the war and helping Harry. We aren't suited. We don't have time. I deserve someone else. He's a werewolf. Okay, that last one was kind of a stumbling block when I first felt attraction to him, but now it means nothing. I love him, and Merlin help me I can't help that and nothing is going to change it. Lycanthropy is the least of my worries at this point. I just want the man of my dreams, the man of my heart, to let me in to his.

I know everyone else wondered what was wrong with me. Severus Snape knew, I think he was one of the first to actually figure it out. It was when my hair color wouldn't change; it just stayed a light brown color, like my loves. My eyes were grey like his. Then when Severus saw my patronus, it just sealed his suspicions with surety. I can see the questions in Harry's eyes, and all the other kids too. I wasn't the fun and joking person they knew last year. But everything was changing, and I was just another piece of a jumbled puzzle they were trying to solve.

It was the beginning of hope the night the school was attacked by death eaters. Through the tragedy and the terrible ordeal, I found a way to make him understand and face this. Bill Weasley was attacked by Fenrir Greyback, though Greyback was not changed so Bill would not be a real werewolf like Remus. Fleur pledged that she would marry him and love him no matter what, none of that mattered. Remus was there, and I could see the look on his face. I took my chance and grabbed hold of him, refusing to let him go.

"See? It can work?"

"It's different." He tried the old argument again, but I would have none of it. Couldn't he see the pain in my eyes? The consuming need? I was fading without him; literally, my color was gone. I drug him outside after Molly knocked some sense into him and just hugged him. We had been standing in that embrace for some time before he spoke again.

"I suppose there is nothing I can say to deter you."

"Nothing."

"Well then, I suppose I'll just have to give in and tell you the truth." I looked up at him and finally, at last, he smiled. "I love you Nymphadora Tonks." Then he kissed me. My hair turned bubblegum pink.

No one could love anyone more than I loved Remus Lupin. And he loved me more than I have ever seen someone love anyone else. After he finally decided there was nothing to be done about it, he admitted that he loved me too. And that he had been avoiding me all these months because he knew that one heartbreaking look from me would crumble any sort of resolve he had. I'm glad it finally worked.

June was beautiful. It dawned with Remus by my side. After I finally had him I wouldn't let him go, married or no. It was the third day of June that he surprised me. He spontaneously, it seemed, brought home a bouquet of beautiful yellow roses at lunch, my favorite. Then during the afternoon, he told me he had a gift for me. He took me by side-along apparition to a beautiful little meadow. We walked hand in hand for awhile; it seemed he was getting up his nerve for something. At last, he did it.

"Nymphadora Tonks, I love you. You have taken me, an outcast and imperfect man, and loved me. You have given me what I thought I never would have. Will you do me the utmost honor of becoming my wife?" Just like Remus, a little too proper.

I giggled, I couldn't help it. Then I felt bad because I was delaying and his eyes were afraid and uncertain. "Remus Lupin, you are perfect. I would love to be your wife." Just like that, I was engaged to the love of my life.

We agreed that a very short engagement and quick wedding was best, seeing that times were as they were. So on that last day of June, I became Mrs. Remus Lupin. Remus told me he couldn't very well call me Tonks anymore, seeing as how it was my maiden name, a surname. So he calls me Dora, which I like just fine. And we loved each other.

I'd like to say we lived happily ever after to a grand old age. But this story is real, so the ending must be real. I became pregnant just a short while into our marriage, and I think it scared Remus. He almost left me. Luckily, he told me all about it, Harry set him straight. Rather harshly from the sound of it, but at least it sent my husband back to me.

Teddy Lupin was born just a month or so before the final battle. I was loathe to leave him behind with Mum, but I knew I had to go. It was my duty and where my heart led me. Now, at this moment, I sit on the wet grass of the Hogwarts lawn. There is screaming, flying curses, and dead all around me. I hardly notice any of it. Remus is lying in my arms, and he is not moving. I saw him fall and with him went all feeling. The fact that I am sobbing barely registers; all I can do is think about everything that mattered: him. Our story was so rough, so full of trials and obstacles. We got through every one.

I can still picture his perfect proposal. Remus on one knee in the brown and green grass, gazing up at me; he takes my hand and just looks at it, swallowing hard. Then he pulls out a small gold band, gives his small speech and slips it on my finger. Following that, he proceeds to apologize for the ring, until I threaten to give it back if he doesn't stop. He kissed me so tenderly, so perfectly, and then made love to me in that field high on a mountain.

My memory is perfect. He is my love and my life, I have lost it. I want so badly to follow, so badly to be with him. He promised me forever, said he'd always be there for me. I am torn between loving him so deeply it hurts, and hating him because he broke his promise. Gazing into the upturned, frozen grey eyes, my hair loses its color and turns to brown. My eyes fade to grey. Then we are a tragic scene on a bloody battlefield, lovers clutched in one last embrace, for I did not even see the green light speeding toward me.


End file.
